


More Than Words Can Say

by pipisafoat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-13
Updated: 2005-07-13
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipisafoat/pseuds/pipisafoat





	1. From Mourning to Morning

Dumbledore had told them to go back to Grimmauld Place. He was still numb; the pain had not yet set in. With a crack, Remus Apparated to what had been his best friend's home.

He was the first one to arrive at headquarters. As he collapsed onto the bench at the table, he heard another crack. Dora—no, Tonks—had just Apparated in. She came in the kitchen and sank down next to him, obviously just as numb as he was. Several other cracks sounded as more Order members arrived. They came into the kitchen in varying states of anger, surprise, and sadness. He and Tonks were the only two who were numb like that, putting off the pain until later. Everybody crowded onto the benches, pushing Remus into Do—Tonks. They sat there in silence for almost an hour until Dumbledore arrived.

"Friends, we fought a good fight tonight. Now that Lord Voldemort has revealed himself to the Ministry—namely, to Fudge—we can move more in the open. The minister will aid us in any way he can, which will start with his pledge of Aurors, then progress immediately to his resignation." This last statement was greeted with various murmurs of disbelief. "I…We need to attempt to track him, see where he went tonight. We will discuss this in more detail at a later date. Be here in three days, 7:00 pm.

"Sirius…fought bravely. He kept going and didn't give in. He fought better than some, but not the best. We have learned, through his battle, some more curses the Death Eaters will use against us. We must be ready. Sirius's…sacrifice…was not in vain. We will talk more later. But now, I must return to my office…Harry is waiting for me there." A great sadness, and the weight of a heavy burden, seemed to settle on the elderly headmaster. He disappeared, followed quickly by most of the Order members. Remus and Tonks were the only two left.

"Do—Tonks. You shouldn't Apparate home tonight. I mean, you need to be with people. Stay here, with me." Remus tried to explain his reasons. "I'm just worried. Apparating is hard when you're…sad." His last word was almost a sob. Tonks nodded wordlessly.

"Ok, Remus. I…I'll stay with you. Let's go…sit…and talk, OK?" It was Remus's turn to nod wordlessly. They walked to the fire in the other room and sat down together on the couch.

"Tonks? Can I call you by your first name?" Remus asked hesitantly.

She stared at him in disbelief. He thought she would be wondering why he wanted to. He was about to tell her never mind, but she spoke first. "Remus, you may call me Tonks, or if you prefer, Dora. But not around other people, OK? And that's only if I can call you Rem."

He agreed, but wondered why she wanted to call to call him Rem. As if Remus wasn't a perfectly OK name! "Well, as long as you don't call me that in front of other people, I can't complain. Deal, Dora?"

"Deal, Rem." She smiled at him, and then they both stared in the fire for several long minutes. Then she broke the silence again. "Rem, I think Harry's going to feel like it is his fault. That Sirius…you know…Anyway, I think you should talk to him." She reached over and took his hand. He stiffened momentarily, then relaxed and squeezed her hand.

"Dora, I…Sirius was like a brother to me. The brother I never had. Especially after James…well, after he escaped, and found me…and mostly this year, he's been my brother. You know? I mean, it would be very hard for me to talk to Harry; he never really got a chance to know Sirius Black, Marauder. All he knew was Sirius Black, protective, lonely godfather. I can't reach him because I was never really part of anything that was godfather and godson, and he was never part of anything that was brother and brother. And at this point, I'm not completely sure I don't blame him for…Sirius's…death." His voice cracked at the end, and he barely noticed the tears streaming down his face.

Dora noticed, and wrapped her arms around him as her own tears came. Almost on reflex, Remus's arms found their way around her. They sobbed into each other's shoulders for a long time, occasionally saying things like, "He wouldn't want us to be sad," and "It'll be okay." They drew solace from their contact, and even when the tears subsided stayed in the same position. Sometime during this time, Dora ended up sitting in his lap with her face buried in his shoulder and her arms around his neck. Remus's face was buried in her hair with his arms wrapped around her waist.

Remus realized a while later that Dora had fallen asleep in his arms. He was far too exhausted himself to move her, so he pulled his wand out of his pocket. "Engorgio," he said tiredly. The couch stretched to be big enough to be a bed. Remus yawned and lay down, his friend still in his arms. They slept undisturbed until morning.


	2. Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

Remus Lupin woke slowly, the pain not setting in right away. The first thing he was consciously aware of was an unusual warmth in his arms. Keeping his eyes closed, he imagined that it was Nymphadora Tonks. Tightening his arms around her, he heard a voice.

"Did you two stay here all night, alone, together?" said Molly Weasley. "Remus, I would never have expected this sort of behavior from you! And you are a responsible young lady, Tonks!"

At the sound of 'Tonks,' Remus sat up and opened his eyes. Sure enough, it was his Dora! Then the memories came flooding back. Fighting, Voldemort, Neville, Harry, and…oh Merlin. Sirius. The tears came to his eyes despite his efforts to hold them back. Dora brought him back to the present with a hand on his knee.

"Rem? You okay? Come on, let's eat breakfast. Molly's here…" She trailed off uncertainly. Remus nodded and got off the couch/bed. His muscles protested at every move, reminding him that he had worked hard yesterday. He stumbled walking out the door, and Dora caught him.

"Sorry," he muttered. She kept her hand on his arm the whole way to the kitchen. As they came in, Molly looked disapprovingly at them. They sat on opposite sides of the table in an effort to make the glares cease. Remus tried to make Molly understand what had really happened last night.

"Molly, we didn't sleep together last night. I know that's what you're thinking, but we didn't sleep together."

She snorted at this. "I came in this morning. The two of you were curled up together on the couch, asleep. Tell me you honestly didn't sleep together!"

He realized what she was talking about. "Okay, Molly, I hadn't thought of it that way. I suppose we did sleep together, but we didn't do anything else…except…" he broke off, perilously close to tears.

"Mourn Sirius," finished Dora quietly. Molly looked from one the other, and then gave them their food.

"We're going to keep on cleaning this place, if that's okay with you. There's noting else to do, and it does need done." They nodded their heads in acquiescence.

* * *

After a long day of work, it was finally time for dinner. The sun was going down as Molly finally finished dinner.

"Eat up, you two. You need your strength." She placed heaping plates of food in front of them. They ate in silence. Suddenly of look of remembrance crossed her face. "Remus! Tonight's the full moon! Did you ever get your potion?"

Remus glanced out the window and saw the moon coming up. He suddenly looked horrified. "Quickly! You must leave; I will transform soon! Get out! Come back tomorrow afternoon, not before! I don't want you to get hurt!" There was an absolutely frantic look in his eyes even as they began to change color. Dora pushed Molly out the kitchen door.

"Run, Molly! Go tell Dumbledore. I'll be at the Burrow as soon as I take care of him. I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm not scared of you, shut up being noble!" Dora's last words were directed at Remus's attempts to push her out after Molly. Her hands instead pushed Remus towards the "safe room" that he had been using for the past year. Fur sprouted under her hands, and Remus's robes ripped down the back as his body began the transformation.

She got him into the safe room not a minute too soon. Just as she closed the door and began the incantations that would keep him in there, he howled as the last of the transformation was completed. What was left of his rational mind fought valiantly for almost a minute to keep the wolf away from the door, away from his prey. By the time the wolf had finally wrested control from Remus, Dora was finished with the safeguards. He remembered nothing else until morning.


	3. I Did Say Not to Talk

"Remus? Rem, are you alright? Can you hear me? Remus!" The voice came as though from a long distance. He tried to call out to the voice, but he couldn't make a sound. He couldn't move. He couldn't even see. He had no sense of how much time had passed, or what had happened.

"Molly, help me! I…He…I think he needs to go to St. Mungo's. Please, tell me what to do! I have to help!" The voice was worried, and scared. He wanted to help the voice, but he didn't know how. He didn't know who it was. He didn't even know who he was. All he knew was that he hurt all over.

"Its okay, child. He will be okay. But you need to stay out here for now." The voice was different. He liked it. It made him feel safe. But he really wanted the other voice to come back. When did this voice get here? Did the other voice go away forever? He didn't want that to be right.

"No, you don't understand! He needs me. I need him. I want to go in with him." Ooh! It was the first voice. The one that made him feel good inside. He wanted to stay with that voice forever.

"It will be okay child. I am the expert on this kind of injury. The best thing you can do for him is to talk to my assistant. She will tell me everything important you tell her, and that will help me more than anything in fixing him. Can you do that for me? For him?" It was that other voice. The safe voice. The one that made him feel like he would stop hurting soon. Then it was talking to him.

"Remus Lupin, you have hurt yourself very badly and I am going to take care of you now. I know you are not a child, neither is your odd companion, but when you are like this, it is best to be sure you know what is going on. I am going to make you sleep now. It will make the pain go away for a while. I will be here the whole time until you wake up. I will bring in your…friend…as soon as I can. I promise you she will be here when you wake p. Now, just try to relax." He tried to tell her that he didn't know what it meant to relax. He thought it was something to do with a body. He didn't know if he had one of those. And if he did, he didn't know how to make it relax. Then he felt more pain on his arm, the arm that hurt the least. It made him sleepy. He slept, and felt no more pain.

When Remus woke up, he realized that he had no clue where he was. This wasn't Sirius's safe room, or his bedroom, or even the Burrow. It was too clean to be Dora's house. And the walls were white and bare. He didn't know anybody who had such bare walls. He hated them, and wanted to know what was going on.

As soon as he was done realizing all this, Remus realized that he hurt. All over. He had never hurt this bad, not since the last time he had gone without the Wolfsbane Potion. That had been the night after Peter, Lily, and James's service. He had gone without the potion so he could mourn for his friends in the only way he knew how. He would let the wolf show his deepest feelings for him, let the wolf express for him how he really felt. It helped sometimes, being a werewolf. The wolf really did know how to make Remus feel better, in its own way.

He didn't know what had happened last night, or if it had even been just last night. He assumed it had been a full moon, he had not taken the potion for some reason, and he had mourned…for whom? And…how could it have been a full moon? That won't happen for another six days. But…he felt like he had just gone through what he called the "All Hallows' Moon" again. Why?

He looked around the room. He didn't see Sirius, but if he was somewhere public, well, that made sense. He instead saw the only person that he would ever love, that he would ever let himself admit to even fancying. He would never tell anyone except himself though, and still denied it even to Sirius. It was Dora…no, Tonks.

She turned around, almost as if she felt his thoughts on her. The worry in her eyes made him want to hold her and tell her it would be alright. However, one attempt to even move was met with the most pain he had ever felt, in body and heart. His injuries prevented him from moving without excruciating pain, and his inability to comfort Tonks made him hurt deep in his soul. She raced to his side as he fought to control his tears.

"Rem! You're awake. Healer Folgard said you shouldn't try to move, or talk, so stay there while I go get her, okay?" He smiled wryly at the 'no moving' part of what she said, and very nearly started crying again. He was about to tell her okay when he remembered she said not to talk either. And if it hurt anything like moving had…He tried to convey his meaning through his eyes. She apparently understood, as she walked hurriedly out of the room.

She returned almost instantly with a stout elderly woman. He realized he must be in St. Mungo's because of the disgustingly designed robe she wore. Either St. Mungo's or a Muggle mental hospital. Then he became aware of the fact that she was talking to him.

"…or speak at all. But I think you'll hardly need reminding of that, you were in here about fourteen years ago for the same condition. So you just be a good man and let Nymphadora here feed you your dinner. Your medicine is in your food, so eat it all if you want the pain to go away. It will take a few days of this treatment, probably about two weeks, before you can go home. And then, Nymphadora, love, you must stay with him round the clock and keep the medicine ready for him, okay?" Tonks looked simply murderous at this Healer's use of her real name, then looked at Remus and nodded her agreement to the Healer.

Remus felt a sudden strong urge to tell them what they had obviously forgotten: the full moon was just days away! He couldn't stay in here during it! The need to tell them overrode his fear of the pain it would induce, and he attempted to communicate his predicament to them.

"Bu-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" The pain was so intense he screamed in agony, tears flooding over, and passed out while still having convulsions. He passed out too quickly, and didn't see how Tonks had reacted so quickly, throwing herself to the bedside and screaming out his name in fear.


	4. Uncle Moony

When Remus came to, he had absolutely no clue when it was, where he was, or what was going on. The last thing he remembered was arguing with Sirius…No. He remembered it all now. Sirius, dead. Tonks, Molly. Him transforming. St. Mungo's, and the pain. He remembered not remembering anything when he had woken at St. Mungo's. He wondered if he could move yet, but decided not to try. He instead decided to reach out with his mind, as Dumbledore had done on countless occasions to him.

_Dora? Can you hear me? It's Remus. Would you mind telling me what's going on? And while you're at it, come visit me. I'm bored._

He was suddenly aware of a loud disagreement just outside his door. "He just called me. He needs me. Come on, Poppy, LET ME IN TO SEE HIM!" The door slammed open. Dora strode in, followed by an irate yet defeated Poppy Pomfrey.

"Remus!" She rushed to his side. "How are you feeling? What do you want to know? Oh, wait. I almost forgot to say, you can move now. It's been over a month; we just thought it would best to leave you knocked out for the month. We gave you Wolfsbane, but the Ministry chained you up in their dungeons anyway. They almost wouldn't let you go, but then Dumbledore came after them…" Her voice trailed off ominously. Remus let out a hoarse chuckle.

"Nymphadora Tonks, do you ever slow down?" he asked carefully. After no ill effects, he tried to sit up. "Give us a hand, will you?"

Dora rushed to help him prop himself up. He moved over in the bed, and pulled her down to sit beside him. Molly gave a loud cough from the door, but then said, to Remus's utter surprise, "Do give poor Remus some room to breathe, Poppy. I believe Tonks can do a good enough job smothering him herself."

Poppy turned red and muttered something about proper care, and not letting people get too close to her patients. Arthur Weasley snorted in exasperation and, taking her elbow, led her to a chair on the far side of room. He then left her to fume to herself.

"Not let Tonks get that close to Remus? Good job she's doing keeping herself from getting even closer!" muttered Molly, not quite under her breath. The two in question both turned bright red, and even more so when loud laughs from just in the hallway let them know that there were more ears outside than originally thought.

"Harry?" croaked Remus. A red head poked itself around the door in answer.

"Sorry, Professor Lupin. Harry's not here yet. Dumbledore says it will be another week or so until he can come. Until then, you're stuck here with the Weasley clan, Moody, and Tonks…But I think by the fact that she's in bed with you that you may have realized she's here," finished Ginny cheekily. When had that timid little girl grown up? He didn't realize how much his question had been obvious until Dora whispered in his ear.

"We'll talk about Ginny later, Rem. I need some help with her anyway."

He was confused, but that was nothing new. He coughed, then suddenly decided, "I would like some bacon."

* * *

Poppy Pomfrey insisted that Remus stay in bed for several more days so she could be sure he was cured. When he protested, she only told him he would stay longer. He finally relented.

"Have it your way, Poppy. I have a feeling you would keep me here at wand point if you thought it necessary. It is easier for both of us if I agree to go along with whatever you say."

She snorted and left the room when he told her this. He smiled and pulled out his book to read in peace. But not for long.

CRASH! Ginny Weasley dashed into his room, slid under his bed, and lay there quietly. Knowing what was happening, Remus pretended to read unconcernedly. Mere seconds later, Ron Weasley slammed into the doorframe.

"Sorry, Professor Lupin. Just looking for my _darling_ baby sister. Have you seen her anywhere?" he said, anger not very concealed.

Remus pretended to think. "Er, no I don't think so Ron. Try Buckbeak's room, she seems to like visiting him."

Ron sprinted away, calling as went, "Thanks Professor!"

Ginny slithered out from under the bed. "Hey, thanks," she said.

"Not a problem Ginny. Would you mind keeping an old werewolf company for a few minutes?"

"OK, professor." She pulled up a chair by his bed. "Anything in particular you want to talk about?"

He put up his book. "Yes, actually, there is. But first, please don't call me Professor Lupin. It makes me feel old. I understand if you (or your mother) don't want you to call me Remus. But how would Moony be?"

Ginny giggled, for no apparent reason, Remus was sure. Then she replied, "Sure thing, Moony. Do you ask all your former students to call you Moony?"

Sure something was up, but with no clue what, Remus replied, "Well, no. Just the ones in the Order or with their parents in the Order."

"Did you ever teach Tonks?" Ginny asked innocently.

"Yes, actually I did. Her parents asked me to teach her Latin before she went to Hogwarts…What is so funny!" He was confused.

She could barely stop laughing long enough to speak. "I bet…she…you don't…I bet she doesn't call you Moony…I bet she calls you…Remus, my love!"

Remus turned red. "She does not! Ginevra Molly Weasley, Do…Tonks is just my friend! There is nothing…ROMANTIC…going on between us! Ginny…What in the world gave you such an idea?"

His embarrassment did nothing to ease her laughter. "It's just a little thing…Something I have overheard…When she sleeps here…She talks in her sleep…In the throes of passion I'd say…She calls out…to you…Oh Remus! My Rem, My little wolf pup…That's not all I hear…The rest Mum would kill me…If I repeated it…" She broke off in peals of uncontrollable laughter.

"Ginny…Argh! You have grown up way too much for me in the past few years. You have gone too far this time, though. The next time your mother comes up here…" He realized he was not serious, and said, "Oh never mind. Just…don't say anything else anytime, anywhere, to anyone about this. Argh!" He rolled over and tried to ignore her.

She touched his shoulder. "Moony? Are you mad?" He didn't answer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. It was all in fun. I didn't think you'd take it so badly. I mean, I can tell the two of you fancy each other, and I don't know, maybe I'm going to far again, but I think you might even be in love. I never want you mad at me Moony, because I feel like you're another brother, or an uncle, or something. Please don't be mad, Uncle Moony. Please."

He turned around and just looked at her. She got up and started to the door.

"Maybe I should just leave."

"No. Ginny…wait. It's my fault. I overreacted. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it." Ginny nodded. "I'll talk to you later, little niece."

She turned around, smiled at him, then came back and smothered him in a hug. "We'll talk later, Uncle Moony."


	5. Nighttime Terrors

He was finally healed. He had been fine for a week, but Madam Pomfrey had insisted on more bed rest. However this evening, just in time for dinner, she had FINALLY pronounced him well enough to leave bed.

He walked downstairs, banging open the kitchen door spectacularly. The entire table looked up, mid-Grace, and Molly wordlessly conjured up a seat for him. She put it between Dora and Arthur.

Remus sat, bowing his head. Albus continued with the Grace. When he had finished, everybody began getting food and making conversation. He leaned over and whispered in Dora's ear, "The loud bang on the door had no theatric effect intended, contrary to poplar belief. Truth is, I tripped on a shoelace that I had not bothered to tie properly in my hurry to get down here." She chuckled, then elbowed him in the side.

"You dog! You had us all thinking you just finally decided to embrace your dramatic side," she said jokingly. "Hey everyone! Remus here has an announcement to make!"

It was instantly silent, but Remus merely clapped his hand over Dora's mouth and told them, "Just happy to be here!"

She wiggled free and said, "No, really, he…"

She was cut off by Remus grabbing her head and holding it against his chest with both hands over her mouth. "Try to get away now," he said to her.

Molly gave Arthur a significant look at that, and Remus flushed slightly, suddenly aware of the compromising position Dora was in. He was thinking about releasing her when he felt something very strange under his hand. He jerked away from the woman in his arms with a start.

Dora chortled. "That gets 'em every time!" she said, very self-satisfied. "Transform, nobody can stand the feel of a face changing under them!"

Despite her jovial tone, Remus's heightened senses could smell slight embarrassment radiating from her. He politely refrained from more compromising positions for the duration of dinner.

* * *

After dinner, everyone who didn't stay at Grimmauld Place started to head home for the night. Molly and Arthur (who had been making puppy eyes at each other all through dinner) retired to their bedroom. Soon, only Dora and Remus were in the kitchen, finishing the washing-up. When they were done, Remus turned to Dora.

"Do you want to stay here for a bit?" he asked her.

She considered it, then suddenly grinned. "Here's a better idea. Why don't you come back to my place and we watch a movie or something?"

He instantly agreed. They stepped outside and summoned the Knight Bus to go to Dora's apartment in Muggle London.

* * *

Dora put the little shiny disk into its player and started the movie while Remus went to the bathroom. When he came back, she was curled up at one end of the love seat. Remus sat the other end, careful not to touch her. After a few scenes, she jumped up and went to get some popcorn. She came back with a large bowl of the salty treat, and sat right beside him so they could share more easily. He studiously didn't touch her, hard as it was to do so.

Several minutes later, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she returned, Remus arm was draped casually across the back of the love seat. She sat down beside him, and leaned over to grab some popcorn. Her leg brushed against his, and she asked him what was going on. As he explained softly, his leg accidentally-on-purpose pressed itself up against her leg. She shifted slightly to adjust her robes, and ended up practically on top of him, her entire body pressed up against his.

He breathed deeply. Calmly, he reminded himself. She's just your friend.

Still, he couldn't help but let his arm _accidentally_ slide onto her shoulders. Shortly after that, the Ringwraiths in the movie started to stab the hero and his friends in their sleep. Dora squealed and buried her face in his chest. His arm slid slowly down her body and rested on her waist. He reassured her in a matter of moments that the hobbits were safe, thanks to a man who resembled Severus Snape slightly. (A/N: Yes, I do realize that I am the only one who sees resemblance beyond "male" and "dark hair.")

She sat up again, and then yawned. "Am I keeping you up, Dora?" Remus asked. "Because I can leave, if you want…" He desperately hoped she said to stay a while longer.

Her arms snaked around him as she replied. "No, stay. Just promise me, if I fall asleep, you'll carry me to bed, ok?"

"Sure." Remus was secretly glad that robes were fitted loosely.

Resting her head on his shoulder, she was asleep in minutes.

* * *

Remus looked down at Nymphadora Tonks sleeping soundly on his shoulder. His Sleeping Beauty, he thought before he could stop himself. Merlin, he really did fancy her. He forced himself to carry her (fully clothed) to bed. Just as he was pulling the covers over her, she started thrashing. He smelled raw terror.

Her eyes flew open with a blood-curdling scream. She saw Remus and bolted up in bed.

"Remus!" At the sound of her terror-filled voice, he reached down and embraced her, as if to prove he was real and not a vision.

"It's okay, Dora. I'm here. Nothing's going to happen to you. It's okay."

She clung to him, and did her best to convince him to stay with her until she fell asleep again. He agreed.

He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed beside her, still holding her. She seemed to be trying to control her fear. When she seemed to be okay, he started to let go of her. The wolf was getting hard to control.

She quickly stopped his efforts with a "Remus, no! Don't leave me here! Keep me safe!" He couldn't very well refuse her. He changed his embrace to a more comfortable one and relaxed. She also relaxed into his arms.

That was when he became aware of just how close they were. Her chest was pressed against his, her breath was hot on his neck, and her arse was nice and muscular under his hands, which he was horrified to notice were gently massaging it. He stopped the motion, but not before he realized the effect his actions were having on his body. He was breathing heavily into her ear, and he was glad robes were not form-fitting.

He jerked away from her. His face and neck burned bright red. He had to get out of there before the wolf took over and made him do something he regretted. He had to go!

"Rem?" she asked. Oh Merlin, was her voice husky? He could smell her desire strong on the air. This was the first and only time he had smelled desire for him. It must be a mistake, she couldn't like him! She didn't seriously fancy him, and if she did, well, then she didn't understand. He couldn't tie down Dora like that, he HAD to get OUT!

"Tonks, sorry, but I have to go." Oh Merlin! His voice was noticeably husky, his desire was almost tangible. No, don't touch her. Don't even look at her. Don't think, just GO!

"Is everything alright?" Oh Merlin, he wanted her NOW, can't have her, have to GO!

"Molly and Arthur will be looking for me…" He trailed off, caught in an obvious lie. He didn't care anymore, couldn't care. Don't think about what they're doing, don't think about how bad you want to do that to Dora, just GET OUT OF HERE!

"I'll see you tomorrow Tonks." He was purposefully using her last name, less intimate. She must not have noticed. It didn't matter. He wrenched open the door and fairly sprinted out. He felt her confused yet hopeful eyes on his back the whole way to her front door. Even farther, he imagined. He would never be free of Dora, never be able to forget the effect she had on him. Never.

This thought scared him. He would have to avoid her. He could never live with himself if he took advantage of her. It would be his fault for not keeping his distance. He had to stay away. And it was these thoughts that scared him badly enough to keep him up all night.


	6. Grieving (Finally!)

The next morning Remus could be found sitting in the library of Number Twelve, trying to avoid people in general. This avoidance was due to his need to sort out his thoughts and feelings.

He was falling for her, and he knew it. What was he saying; he had already fallen for her. Curse the wolf! He had smelled her desire for him last night, and that had made him want her even more. Bt he knew this would end badly for him. It couldn't be more than a momentary desire brought on by being too close to a man who obviously fancied her, who obviously wanted her. It couldn't be love. She couldn't love him. Not Remus Lupin, the werewolf. Nobody had ever loved him, not like that. Not unless the count the time Sirius had put that spell on Hagrid…But that had been a joke, not to mention incredibly disturbing. And that wasn't the point. Point was, he was falling in love with one of his few friends. If this made him lose his friend…

She was one of the few people who talked about his lycanthropy so matter-of-factly. The others were Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, and Abby Folgard, the healer who treated werewolves' self-induced injuries. Dora was the only one who wasn't a student, and wasn't in the profession. Dora was special. He remembered a conversation with her that they had had several weeks ago, before he was so caught up in this whole 'love' thing.

"Werewolf transformations must suck bollocks," she said. "Having to transform so much, and not being able to argue effectively with the moon."

He gave her an odd look at the last comment, silently asking her to expand. She did.

"Mad-Eye tells me to transform into such-and-such all the time. That reminds me of your transformations whenever the moon tells you to. But I can argue with Mad-Eye and plot revenge against him if I want to. You can't exactly argue with the moon. Well, I guess you could, but it wouldn't be very satisfying, I imagine. And you can't plot to make the moon look like a large pink flower to everybody except himself…Oops."

He laughed more than was strictly necessary, but who cares. "So that's what happened to him! I had been wondering. I mean, pink flowers aren't your typical Death Eater curse. But as for the moon, you have no idea how many times I've tried to curse it. It was one of the first things I did when I got my wand. It's either out of my range or it's shielded."

He loved that about her, the way she could always talk about his 'condition' calmly, flatly, and seriously. Just like Sirius had…

Oh Merlin. Sirius. This was the first time Remus had let himself think about his best friend ever since the initial shock. It was time to grieve properly.

Sirius Black. Sirius Krehsente Black. He would never hear the joke that Sirius must rule Remus's life, because crescent was a phase of the moon. He would never hear the corny "No, I'm Sirius!" when Remus was trying to make him listen. He would never be able to stop Sirius from trying to get his friends to change their name into James Purple, Peter Pink, and Remus Orange. He would never see the counter-charm on his bedroom again, because it would never be enchanted to be orange inside and look like a crayon box on the outside. He could never remind Sirius to feed Buckbeak. He could never again watch Sirius taste raw ferret in an attempt to get Beaky to eat when he missed Hagrid. Padfoot would never help Moony through his transformations again. Remus would never see his best friend Sirius Krehsente Black again.

Remus put his face in his hands and wept.

Sirius was gone. Sirius, who made him tea every morning. Sirius, who made him eat even when he didn't want to. Sirius, who had seen first-hand what the transformations were like. Sirius, who still didn't pity or run from him. Sirius, who instead did his best to help Remus. Sirius, who had known before Remus that Remus loved Dora. Sirius, who's joking had always been gentle enough for Remus to take, but hard enough that he wasn't being babied. Sirius, the best prankster in the school, rivaled only by James. Sirius, who organized all the counter-attacks against the Slytherins. Sirius, who got Remus's work to him after the full moon, yet still didn't bother to do his own. Sirius, who could ace a class without studying. Sirius, who never rubbed in this ability more than necessary to keep his reputation in place. Sirius, who kept his reputation up only for fun, not because he felt it was right to be the best. Sirius, who was the best despite his lack of wanting for that station. Sirius, who all the teachers liked despite their best intentions or warnings. Sirius, who had always told Remus he could be a schoolteacher if he wanted to.

Sirius, who had been a loyal enough friend to be godfather, a loyal enough godfather to let Harry go to safety at the Dursley's with Hagrid. Sirius, who had given himself up rather than have the Ministry go after Remus, asking for information he could not give. Sirius, who had patiently waited out the Dementors, who had managed to freak out the non-squeamish Fudge. Sirius, who had been the only one ever to escape from Azkaban, who had been the only really innocent one to be put in. Sirius, who had experienced more horrors than many, yet had more cheer than most. Sirius, who had only been thinking of Harry at the end. Sirius, who had grabbed Remus on the way to the Department of Mysteries to tell him this:

"I'm glad you're here with me, Remus Lupin, here at the end of all things. My life is over tonight, don't sacrifice yourself for me. I'll die tonight at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange. I came because that is the only way for Harry to come out okay. I had a vision about this Remus, don't worry. They always come true. This is the first serious one I've ever had, and that's okay. So just keep Harry from trying to save me, if he tries he'll die too. You know what that will do to us. So promise me now to do what I ask. This is the last favor I'll ever ask of you. Promise me, Remus!" When Remus had given Sirius his word, Sirius had suddenly been his normal self. "Great! Let's go kick some Death Eater arse!" He shook the hair out of his eyes, wrenched open the door, and bolted in to save his precious godson.

* * *

Lost in grief and memory, it was a while before Remus noticed that someone was standing behind him, rubbing his back slowly and gently, and comforting him. He lifted his head, not bothering to wipe his tears. Only one person would do this, and he had no reason to hide his tears from her.

"I'll never see him again, Dora," he said softly, sadly, but not with tears.

"I won't either Rem," she said. "Not in this lifetime." Her tone matched his.

"This lifetime." He paused, then elaborated. "Sirius would want us to live it right, to make it a life, not just a lifetime. To make it worth something, to the world, the Order, our friends, or even just ourselves. To make it like his life."

She waited expectantly, then prompted him with a simple "Yes?"

"And that…" He swallowed hard. "That is why I have to tell you this." He stood up. "Dora…" He turned and faced her. She seemed to attribute the tears in his eyes to Sirius. "Dora, I…" He trailed off, suddenly unable to go on.

"What Remus? What is it?" she asked, concerned. He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind that was relatively like what he was going to say.

"I think you should go on a date with Kingsley." Oops. He turned away, fresh tears in his eyes. Not Kingsley. Anybody but that ever-present Auror! He saw him every day! Why had he said that? Sure it got her away from him, but KINGSLEY! No way was he going to see his love every day with some other guy! And that's how it would be, with Remus and Dora living at Headquarters and Kingsley coming by almost daily.

Dora backed away, hurt showing in her eyes. Hurt, and confusion. "Remus…I …I thought you cared! I thought you understood!" She turned and ran up to her room, tears streaming down her face.

Oh boy, what had he done this time? Why did he always do the wrong thing? Why was he always wrong!


	7. Guy Talk

What had he done? He had only tried to give her a chance at a normal life, one not ruled by the moon. If he let himself get any closer to her, the wolf would want to mate. He didn't think he could resist it again.

And werewolves mate for life.

Remus made a loud roaring sound then kicked the nearest bookcase. The pain made him yell out, which made him mad again. He kicked the bookcase with his other foot, punched it with both fists, and head-butted it. Then done punishing the helpless furniture, he yelled out in major pain.

A well-placed Impedimenta suddenly froze him in place. A slightly irate redhead appeared in front of him.

"Calm down Remus, Merlin! You're lucky Molly's out, she'd have you cleaning the attic for weeks, no magic. I'll do the best I can to heal you, and I won't mention it to Molly, but you have to promise not to do this again, and you have to tell me what on earth drove the most controlled person I know to this sort of expression. Agreed?"

Did he really have a choice? Remus grunted in acceptance. With a quick counter-curse, Arthur freed him and guided him into a chair. Remus began to briefly summarize the situation with Dora.

"…And all I was really trying to do was give her a chance at a life! Any closer emotionally, and the wolf will tear her to shreds at the slightest sign of a rejection! Arthur, please, you've got to help me…" he finished several minutes later. Okay, so it wasn't as brief as he had hoped.

Arthur was completely serious, an accomplishment for the jokester Weasley. This didn't keep Remus from thinking it was all a joke when Arthur said, "But if you love her, and she OBVIOUSLY loves you, then where's the problem?"

Remus mouthed wordlessly.

"Remus, you're supposed to turn into a wolf not a fish. Do stop that."

Remus mouthed wordlessly a bit more before finally regaining his voice.

"What do you mean, 'she obviously loves you'?" he asked angrily. "Do you not understand how potentially dangerous it is to play with my feelings? I could end up killing Dora, Arthur, does that mean nothing to you?"

"Remus." Arthur's voice was uncharacteristically hard. "I do believe you underestimate your human strength. You would no sooner allow the wolf to kill Tonks than you would allow Voldemort himself to march into Hogwarts, cut off, fry, and eat Harry's balls for breakfast. So get it straight in your head now! You are IN LOVE with this woman, and you know it. You wouldn't let anything happen to her. So hear me out.

"Yes, she does love you. It's obvious to just about everyone else, even to me. It's not one big thing; it's just all the little things she does. She told Molly how you would want your coffee when you were in bed. She went out and bought your favorite music to play for you when you were out in St. Mungo's. She informed the nurse in no uncertain terms that you hated sweet potatoes, so she could not feed them to you when you couldn't argue for yourself. She sat with you constantly while you were out, slept in the hard-backed chairs by your bed, and waited patiently for you to get up. She always manages to unobtrusively sit either next to you or across from you at meals and meetings. She tells you what you need to hear in the way you need to hear it when you need to hear it, but not in such a way that you can't take it. She tells the others what you need them to hear but are too well mannered to do so yourself. And from what I heard from you just now, she showed you quite nicely last night that she's in love with you, but for some reason you didn't get the hints at all. You want to blame it all on yourself. So if you don't believe me, then go ask her, but don't come downstairs until you've decided to do something about your mess.

"Good day, Remus. I'll be downstairs figuring out what to curse you with if you don't do what I said to. Hurry up though, Molly's making meatballs at seven." Arthur pocketed his wand and walked calmly out of the library.

This was an unnaturally long speech from the normally quiet Arthur Weasley Remus thought he knew. It was enough to convince him to do something.

Remus would go talk to Dora.


	8. Confessions of a Middle-Aged Werewolf

Remus Lupin, werewolf in love, went to find Nymphadora Tonks, Metamorphmagus hopefully in love.

He looked on the second floor. He searched the third floor. He scoured the fourth floor. He tore apart the attic in search of her. When he had all but given up hope, her remembered the third-and-a-half floor. Buckbeak's room was housed on that floor. Dora could be hiding out with the hippogriff, and if she wasn't, he could.

When he walked into the room, she whirled around. She was doing a very curious thing. Half of her face was hers, but the other half was his. It was what he figured a child of theirs would look like.

Wait, a child? Why was she thinking about what a child of theirs would look like? Was she really in love with him? And if so, why was she looking in a mirror and crying?

"Remus!" She started to morph her face back into her own, but was stopped by Remus saying gently, "Don't. I like it."

"You didn't need to see it..." she trailed off, looking unsure. She turned around again.

He stepped over Buckbeak's dinner's entrails, stopping next to Dora. "I would like to see it again, in a few years, on a younger body."

She looked at him in confusion, and then turned away. "No, you don't. You can't stand to be near me. Your body was reacting last night; you don't like me that way. That's why you left. You only want to be friends. I'm too clumsy and stupid for someone like you to hang around for your whole life. You'll never love me, we'll never have kids..."

"The kids are completely circumstantial," he interjected. "You can't blame just me if you can't manage to pop them out."

She gave him a watery smile. "Is that the best you can do? I was under the impression you were trying to cheer me up, not tell me I'm not fertile."

"That's not what I meant!" he said defensively. "You know that!"

"So?" she retorted, sticking her tongue out.

He chuckled. "Add immature to your list of reasons I wouldn't want you. Then re-label the whole list."

"Re-label it what?"

"Reasons Why Remus Loves Me And Wants To Grow Up With Me, Since I Can't Manage It On My Own."

She laughed then, tears forgotten. He joined in. Then Buckbeak suddenly started to make strange noises.

"WTF, mate?" asked Dora.

Remus laughed harder. "He's just laughing with us. Or at us. You can't be sure. But he's a smart cookie."

Buckbeak glared at Remus, still 'laughing'. "Not a cookie," amended Remus. "He's a genius hippogriff."

They sat around for a while, talking about the future. Remus wanted to wait until after the war, but Dora wanted to get married right away. She finally agreed to the compromise he proposed: He would marry her during the war in a private ceremony, but then after the war they would make it generally known. The next issue was kids.

"We don't know if they'll be werewolves, Dora. They probably will be. No kids," he said firmly.

She argued, saying, "We don't know. They probably won't be. If they are, what difference does it make?"

"It makes all the difference in the world! I had to grow up shunned, and if any kids of mine are shunned their entire lives, I don't want it to be because of something I could have prevented!"

"So you would deny my future kids the right to be born."

He sighed loudly. "Dora, I love you more than words can say, but this is just too much. Why do we have to argue about kids now? Yes, I want kids. No, I don't want them to werewolves. Yes, I would rather adopt to be safe. But I will rethink my position on this if you will as well, and we'll talk about it when it's closer to becoming an issue."

She nodded her agreement. "So the wedding."

"We can't have a wedding until I propose, and since I'm...how did Ginny put it? Oh yeah, an 'old-fashioned man who isn't as old as he pretends to be', I plan on waiting some time to get to know you a bit better before I commit my life to you." He grinned at her. "It could be a long time..."

"You wouldn't dare make me wait. I have experience with accidents, you know. I can arrange for an accident to happen to you." As she stalked towards him, trying not to laugh, she tripped and landed on Buckbeak. Remus howled with laughter.

"I'd like to see you try to organize an accident for me when you're so busy tripping over yourself!" he managed to get out. This mad laughter turned their focus to other topics, such as old accidents caused to Severus Snape and the other Slytherins while Remus was at school.

A good amount of time later, Arthur Weasley came in the room. "Remus, Dora, lasagna will be ready in twenty minutes. Kreacher added the meatballs to his shrine of Things My Mistress Loved. Apparently they were among her favorite recipes. What do you want for desert?"

Remus and Dora had just stopped laughing about another of the Marauder's pranks on Professor Steflunk. The dinner announcement was so unexpected they each said the first thing that came into their heads.

"Chalkboard," said Remus.

"Three dimensional words," said Dora.

"I remember that prank!" said Arthur. "You told me about it while I was in St. Mungo's, Remus. Professor Steflunk's notes were parading around the room for months, if I remember correctly."

The three of them dissolved in laughter. Suddenly Arthur stopped. "Desert! Molly'll flay me alive if I forget my job. What do you two want for desert?"

Dora grinned mischievously. "If I remember correctly, Remus wants a chalkboard and I want three dimensional words. But I would settle for peach blueberry pie, if she has any left."

Remus nodded agreement.

After dinner, nobody understood why Arthur, Remus, and Tonks fell on the floor laughing when Remus's pie was under a chalkboard and Dora's was shaped into letters spelling 'WORDS'. Molly smiled lightly at them.


End file.
